I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I am available for nakedness
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Randomize
