Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Randomize