You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
