I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
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