:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
