i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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