Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
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