Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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