nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
