Someone shit on the floor
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
