she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
