Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
