I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
