just come out here and I will go home with you...
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Randomize
