FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize