My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
