that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
