I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
