she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I want to be your penis for a week.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
