I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
