Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
