and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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