I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
