I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
