my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
