I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
