If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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