I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
