i just sent this text using only my big toe
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
