I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
there is glitter all over my balls
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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