Grow some girl-balls and come out already
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
