is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Randomize
