woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
