return my video game
i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I CAN MOONWALK!
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize
