theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
There are leaves in my underwear?
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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