I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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