I could have mohawked her pubes.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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