come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
