Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
