i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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