You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
