I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
