i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
