my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
