just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
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