I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
