just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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