she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Randomize
