Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
