I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Randomize
