They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Randomize
