She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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