I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
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