I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Randomize
