yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Randomize
