It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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