Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
