And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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