Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
