11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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