I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
organizing the empties. That sober.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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