then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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