I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
