Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize