If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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