So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
