i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
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