So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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