I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Hello my rib-scented angel!
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
