Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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