ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
