3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
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