Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Come see our sink grown plant.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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